It’s a great feeling to finally feel yourself properly in the driving seat. You set the destination, you decide where you want to go and how and why, there’s no-one holding you back now, or ordering you around.
Which is when most people discover the next hurdle on the path: now they are starting to get some mental clarity, and a break from the backseat driver’s incessant instructions, nagging, small talk and general freak-outs about all things large and small, they find
they have no idea where they want to go. Or why. Or how they actually feel about the process of trying to get there.
It’s like that 17 year old who finally gets around to asking the cute girl out for a date, and after months of planning and hoping and waiting finds he has absolutely nothing to say to her when the big day comes around.
If you’re not prepared for this part of the journey, it can easily tip you head-over-heels and have you scrambling to invite the backseat driver back into the car again, so you can get past that panicked feeling of having no frigging clue about what you actually want to do in life, or how.
“Sure, I had all plans to drive down South and visit a bunch of cool canyons but now that I can actually just go right ahead and do, I’ve got cold feet. I’m not sure I want to spend a month of my time on a road-trip right now. I’m scared of what I’m going to find if I go. I’m even more scared of what I might come back to.
“Maybe, this emotional freedom is more hassle than it’s worth, and it’s easier to go back to just following orders and dreaming about freedom in theory…”
This is a really normal response, to that first taste of freedom.
That's why so many long-term prisoners baulk when they're finally released, and will do anything they can to get themselves back into jail as quickly as possible.
You’re being stampeded into a panic about what’s out there, and you’re probably also stressing about how you’re going to cope, and feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the things that you kind of relied on the backseat driver to take care of for you.
This is when it starts to dawn on you that kicking that guy out of the car was empowering, but maybe also the dumbest thing you ever did in your life. Because now there is no-one else to blame, there is nothing else to hide behind and the buck stops with you.
If you’re not prepared for that heady kick-back from your first real taste of freedom, it can knock you out cold. So many people turn tail and run when they’re finally given the key to open the door, and get out there a little, but that’s only because no-one ever told them that this feeling of overwhelming panic is just a stage.
If you sit quietly, and wait it out, it’ll pass. For some people, it may take a few minutes for the freak out to start to fade away, for others it may be more like a couple of hours, or a couple of days. But it won’t be more than that, and if you can get through this stage, you’ll be through maybe the biggest milestone on your quest for emotional freedom.
It’s like when you bring that cute puppy home from the pound in its plastic travel crate. The first time you open that box up, that cute critter is going to power out of there like Usain Bolt.
It’s going to run up the walls, wee in the corners and generally make you wish you’d just said ‘no’ to all the wheedling to get a dog.
Alternatively, it’ll push its way back, far, far back, against the wall of the carry crate, and not hell nor high water will get that animal to venture out into the wide open space of your yard. But just leave the door open, go about your business, and slowly but surely, he’ll start sniffing around and when he gets a little hungry, or he needs to attend to some present business, he’ll come out and make your acquaintance.
Whichever way your own internal ‘critter response’ is going to play out, trying to stuff the dog back in the box and shipping it straight back to the pound is not the answer.
You wanted that dog in your life because you wanted the benefit of getting your face all licked off when you open the door after a hard day’s hustle, and you wanted something warm and cuddly to hang out with and talk to. Maybe, you also wanted Buster in your life to give you a greater sense of security, and like someone, something, has got your back.
A dog can do a lot of good things for you. Persevering through those often difficult few days and weeks when you’re starting to get to know each other, and starting to figure out what each of you can bring to the relationship, and how best to relate to each other takes time and a lot of patience.
The same is true with your internal ‘critter response’. Those guys have been all boxed-up inside of you while the backseat driver’s been calling the shots for years. Now that you’re finally swinging the cage open, you can expect to feel messy and chaotic for a while, or panicked and all crumpled up at the back, scared to put a foot wrong.
But with a bit of coaxing, a bit of training, and a lot of patience, your critter response will turn around from crazy-making overwhelm, to giving you the best, most loyal and lickable best friend you ever had in your life.
A few years’ ago, God did me a very big favor. Every time I was around someone with a very complicated inner landscape, my eyes would go funny.
The first few times it happened, I freaked out and started panicking that I’d developed some horrible disease that was going to leave my partially sighted, God-forbid, or worse. But then, after this had been going on for a few months, and after I’d been talking to God about it a lot, I suddenly got the insight that my eyes would only go funny around particular people, or in particular circumstances.
One of those people was my husband, so figuring out what was going on become a big imperative.
After many more months of pondering it, praying on it, thinking about it, I managed to narrow down ‘funny eye syndrome’ a bit more, and to realize that it would happen whenever I was around people who were suppressing strong, negative emotions.
By suppressing, I don’t mean that they knew what they were feeling, consciously, and were gritting their teeth, or keeping a stiff upper lip, although clearly that also would sometimes occur.
I mean that these negative emotions were so buried, so hidden - even from the person themselves! - that they had absolutely no idea what sort of tremendously powerful emotional vibes they were actually sending out into the atmosphere.
That was being soaked up by yours truly and making my eyes go funny.
Releasing the pressure
Over time, I figured out that the single best way to cure my funny eyes was by helping the person I was talking with to really acknowledge their deeper, nearly always extremely negative, true feelings.
This is so much easier said than done, as most people who make my eyes go funny are suffering from something called alexithymia, or an inability to really describe or get a handle on their feelings. This usually happens because a kid isn’t really ‘seen’ in their childhood by an emotionally-absent parent.
So when they get upset, or scared, or anxious, or concerned, there is no caring adult around to notice what’s going on with them, and to give them the word, the label, they need to shrink their huge feeling down into language, and make it manageable.
So then, these individuals grow up, and a fuzzy sense of frustration (that they would never think to label ‘anger’) is really the only feeling that can or will admit to experiencing.
But if you could rip the scab off that ‘frustration’, then a whole bunch of seething, immature, enormous negative emotions would come bubbling out. If that sounds like a scary prospect, you are now starting to understand why so many people who find it hard to relate to their negative emotions are so scared of anyone getting anywhere near close enough to prise off the ‘frustration’ lid.
Because a volcano is lurking underneath.
Sadly for me, or luckily for me, depending on how you look at it, pretending that nothing was really happening underneath got very, very hard when my eyes would suddenly go completely weird mid-conversation.
Someone would be telling me what they had for breakfast, or about their upcoming trip to the US to visit family, or about their kid’s new school, or they’re new job - and whammo, my eyes would de-focus and I’d be left squinting around, completely perplexed as to what was going on and thinking big thoughts about serious vitamin deficiencies.
Until I figured this out.
Which is when I realized that God had actually given me a secret back route into instantly figuring where the emotional body was buried, so to speak. Because a person can swear until they’re blue in the face that they’ve made their peace with so-and-so, or don’t care about such-and-such, or completely past whatever it is - but if my eyes have gone funny, I know they are lying.
Especially to themselves.
This is useful with husbands, but not so useful with everyone else
Now, with husbands this is actually a pretty wonderful, helpful thing, as thanks to the funny eyes, we’ve got to the bottom of so many issues that we probably never would have, otherwise.
But with other people? Well, it’s made things pretty complicated. And it’s a big part of the reason I got so anti-social for a while, because for the life of me I couldn’t work out how I was meant to be reacting when someone would be telling me about their wonderful family celebration, or how much they really wanted to just settle down with someone (when the exact opposite was true) while my ‘funny eyes’ would erupt off the Richter scale.
If a person isn’t telling themselves the truth about a particular situation, woe betide the person who is dumb enough to try to step in and deliver the message the other person is trying so hard to ignore and avoid.
I learnt the hard way that you can’t fix people with ‘the truth’, and if you try, you are only going to get your head completely blown off. And you probably deserve it.
So, for a long stretch of time it’s been easier to keep things superficial with most people for most of the time, because in 2018, so many people are dealing with huge negative emotions that they’re repressing, without even realizing what’s going on.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because I have the feeling that the more you start to get in touch with your own real self, and the more you try to work through your own enormous, deeply-buried negative feelings, the more you’ll also start to notice how certain people, certain conversations, set you off, too.
Maybe, your eyes won’t go funny, but you might find your breathing goes a bit weird, or that your heart starts beating too fast, or you suddenly feel horribly hot and suffocated, or weak and faint, or your hands suddenly go ice-cold.
Pay attention to those clues that God is sending you, especially if they’re popping up around a spouse or a kid.
Because those people, you probably can help, if you take a deep breath and prepare yourself mentally to face down an internal volcano of huge, suppressed feelings.
But everyone else, you probably can’t.
So the best bet is then just to smile and nod politely, and quickly change the subject.
So, for sure you’ve noticed how just about everyone you know, including yourself (if you’re honest…) is starting to exhibit some extreme mood swings and strong emotions, right? Here’s just a small selection of what I’ve heard and / or seen going on around me in the last little while:
One normally very calm, sweet and forgiving person told me they had such an uncharacteristic rage fit with a rude shopping assistant that they left the store shaking with anger, and it took them hours and hours to calm down again afterwards…
Another person snapped and violently attacked their spouse…
Another person got plunged into the biggest pit of despair and overwhelm about a problem that, yes is a problem, but not SUCH a big problem to merit such a enormous reaction…
Someone else got so overwhelmed by feelings of existential loneliness that they proposed marriage to someone they barely knew (thank God, the person turned them down…)
I could go on, but I’m sure you have your own examples of extreme, unusual reactions, decisions and behaviours going on all around you, and also inside you.
So what the heck is going on?!?
There’s a number of answers to this question, and the more spiritual answers you’ll find over on my other blog, at www.emunaroma.com. But on this blog, I try to concentrate on the more tangible explanations, or the visible processes that God is using to create a particular reaction or set of circumstances.
So what I think is going on, within that paradigm, is that the huge, unexplained body that’s currently in our solar system, and that goes by the various names of ‘Planet X’, ‘Nibiru’, ‘Kochav Yaacov’, or some other comet nomenclature is hugely affecting the bio-electrical structure of our planet - and the humans who live here.
(Again, I know this can sound pretty bizarre and ‘out there’ if you haven’t already been introduced to how the universe, world and human health actually really works, so if that’s you, you may want to take a look at these articles before you continue:)
We’re all kind of feeling ‘subliminally stressed’ at the moment, as our bio-electrical systems are being disrupted by the increased ions, protons, whatever they are in the atmosphere, that are part and parcel of what’s called the ‘solar wind’, or the energy that comes streaming in our direction from the sun.
If you take a look at THIS article, you’ll see how the universe really works, and is electrical in nature, and how when there’s a large comet / planet circling around our solar system, that causes the electrical activity between all the other bodies in the solar system, including the sun and planet earth, to go haywire.
So in a nutshell, the same phenomena that’s causing all these hurricanes in the US and the Caribbean (and even in the UK…), and unusually destructive wildfires all over the world, and massive earthquakes in Italy and Mexico, and floods in the Indian subcontinent, and exploding volcanoes in the ‘ring of fire’ in the Pacific, and also all the earthquake swarms being noted in the US and elsewhere - it’s also affecting us, you and me, on a micro level.
It’s making us feel increasingly ‘subliminally stressed’, which means we’re going into FIGHT-FLIGHT-FREEZE-FAWN mode without even realizing it, and that we have much less patience, generosity, kindness or self-awareness than usual.
We’re all walking around with hair-triggers, prepared to let anyone and everyone have it.
Why is God doing this?
Because He wants us to stop running away from our repressed negative emotions and bad character traits, and to actually acknowledge them and deal with them properly.
You, lady, have an anger issue! That’s why you keep sending out such atrocious emails to people, and commenting so acerbically on other people’s blogs.
You, sir, are sunk in despair and apathy! That’s why you drink so much and spend so much of your time glued to the telly, watching YouTube vids on your massive 50 inch screen.
You, madam, really hate and resent your parents, and you never, ever dealt with it! That’s why now, you find it so hard to enjoy your own family life, and you have a nervous breakdown every time another family get-together looms.
And so on and so forth.
But right now, God’s decided that we can’t run away from this stuff anymore. It’s time to look it squarely in the face, acknowledge the problems, and try to fix them.
And if we don’t do that, then at least in our lives, the ‘crazy days’ we’re experiencing are only going to come more furious, and more frequently.
So many of us are walking around at the moment feeling stressed out of skulls. Now, received wisdom will tell us that we feel stress because of financial problems, work issues, relationship difficulties, Donald Trump, ISIS, Brexit - the list goes on and on.
And for sure, external circumstances can certainly raise our stress levels. But subliminal stress is something entirely different. Subliminal stress happens when there is nothing ‘consciously’ stressing us out, and yet out bodies are still going into a full-on stress response, and our sympathetic nervous system is so continually juiced-up and switched-on, that eventually it can lead to a total system collapse.
(Doesn’t that sound like fun!)
In previous posts, we’ve already established the connection between solar storms, electro-magnetic fields, and a whole bunch of physical and mental health issues. It’s clear that fluctuations in the earth’s electromagnetic field has an enormous impact on human health, but the whole discussion of electro-magnetically-induced subliminal stress takes thing up a whole other level.
First, let me tell you about an experiment that psychiatrist Howard Friedman did on a whole bunch of rabbits, more than 30 years’ ago. Friedman administered a steady magnetic field of between 100 - 200 gauss to rabbits, plus a group of controls, then autopsied them, and sent slides of their brain matter for analysis.
(Sorry for all the gory details here, to any more sensitive readers…)
All of the rabbits in both groups were found to have been infected by a brain parasite common in rabbits, but in the group that had been ‘zapped’ with the magnetic field the immune system had stopped working, enabling this parasite to destroy large swathes of rabbit brain cells.
Here’s Robert Becker writing in The Body Electric, explaining what happened next:
“Later, Friedman did biochemical tests on another series of rabbits and found that the [electromagnetic] fields were causing a generalized stress reaction marked by large amounts of cortisone in the bloodstream.”
After a peak reaction, it seemed like the animals stress response went back to normal, but later experiments confirmed that really, the subliminal stress had continued for so long in the body, it basically knocked-out the immune system, and prevented it from reacting to any other, or any more, stressors.
That made the animal much more susceptible to bacteria, parasites, illnesses and malignancies.
Let’s return to Becker to find out why this dramatic reaction to very weak electromagnetic fields is called subliminal stress:
“When undergoing these hormonal changes, an animal would normally be aware that its body was under attack, yet…the rabbits were not. They showed no outward signs of fear, agitation or illness.”
Why not? Because the electromagnetic fields they were subject to were vibrating in the Extremely Low Frequency (ELF) range, which increased levels of the neurotransmitter called acetylcholine, which in turn activated a subliminal stress response that the creature wasn’t aware of.
Now, here’s the thing: nearly every human being on the planet is now subject to the same ELF fields that triggered that subliminal stress response in rabbits, monkeys and rats (amongst other creatures experimented on).
Last I checked, rats and rabbits aren't worrying about their finances, or worried about ISIS, Brexit or Donald Trump...
So there are two main reasons (physically speaking) why so many of us are walking around today stressed out of skulls, with weak immune systems, and a whole bunch of other health issues:
1) God is changing the electro-magnetic ‘vibe’ of the planet, via solar storms, solar flares and other things that may be disturbing the electro-magnetic balance of the universe.
2) Humans are plugging into all sorts of devices that emit electromagnetic fields in this ‘sensitive’ ELF range, with the biggest culprits (in the personal sphere) being computers and i-Phones.
Scary isn’t it!
But take heart: if biology was all there was to these issues, we probably would have all snuffed it two weeks after the first i-Phone came out. Human health is complex, complicated, and subject to many different factors, most importantly of all the spiritual dimension and our connection to God.
If we have a strong connection to God, our bodies and minds can take much more of a ‘beating’ biologically speaking, and still come through OK.
In the next post, we’ll explore these ‘electromagnetic’ effects on human health in a bit more detail, before moving on to a broad discussion of how we can stay healthy and sane, in the midst of all the electrical craziness currently going on around us
Finally, we’ve arrived at the core post of this whole journey: how to properly acknowledge, tackle and ultimately overcome C-PTSD.
If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ll know that the spiritual self-help approach to mental and physical health issues always need to tackle the problem across the three levels of:
Most of the posts I’ve written about C-PTSD have been focussing on the mind / emotions level, but let’s see if we can now pull everything together to give a clear picture of how you can tackle C-PTSD,
and with God’s help, eventually overcome it.
TIPS TO TACKLE C-PTSD AT THE BODY LEVEL
The key thing to remember here is that traumatised people are physically very stressed and tense people.
The more primitive parts of their brain is continually sending them messages that the world is a scary, threatening, dangerous place, which means:
HOW TO CALM DOWN A C-PTSD BODY:
NOTE: If someone experienced any form of physical abuse, then even touch can be a very triggering event for them. In these situations, ‘pet therapy’, or having a safe bond with a dog, horse, or other ‘loving’ animal can be an important first step to desensitising the C-PTSD body to physical touch.
(Click the blue for more details and / or information for how to do each of these things):
Other things to try include:
HOW TO CALM DOWN A C-PTSD MIND / EMOTIONS
We’ve covered this a great deal over the last few posts, but let’s pull it all together now.
HOW TO CALM DOWN A C-PTSD SOUL
But that’s not all! Taking the time to centre and ground yourself every day, and to talk to God about everything that’s going on in your life also strengthens the functioning of your frontal lobes, which acts like the ‘brake’ on your more primitive impulses and feelings.
The stronger your frontal lobes get, the harder it is for your primitive brain to ‘hijack’ you and send you spinning off into an emotional flashback. So the more you talk to God, the safer you’ll feel, the more ‘in control’ of yourself you’ll feel, and the easier you’ll find it to ride out and overcome the five C-PTSD reactions listed in the previous section.
To learn how to talk to God, download your free guide HERE, or buy the How, What and Why of Talking to God HERE.
We're covering a lot of ground pretty fast with these posts, so I decided to 'sum up' most of what we've learnt so far about C-PTSD before we continue discussing how you can know if you're affected, and most importantly of all, what to do about it all!
Even just having the knowledge that you're not 'crazy' or 'bad', and actually are just very traumatised by your life experiences makes an enormous difference to the way you start to relate to yourself and your 'issues'.
The key here is to crank the self-compassion to the max, because self-compassion is really the key to starting to heal from C-PTSD. Try to see yourself through God's eyes, and know that the 'real' you is actually only good and kind, and really wants to build the world anyway it can.
Once you start to get a handle on how your C-PTSD is preventing you from accessing and expressing the 'real' you, you just came a huge step closer to getting out of C-PTSD prison...
the one minute definition of c-ptsd:
C-PTSD is a severe form of PTSD that is characterised by the following five things:
• Emotional flashbacks
• Toxic shame
• Vicious ‘inner critic’
• Social anxiety
In contrast with ‘regular’ PTSD, the flashbacks most sufferers of C-PTSD are NOT visual, but are usually a regression to an overwhelming state of mind or feeling state from childhood.
See HERE for a post on how to tame the 'inner critic'.
The most common types of emotional flashback in C-PTSD are overwhelming feelings of:
Emotional flashbacks occur on gradient. Some can literally paralyse the C-PTSD person on the spot, while others will be experienced as a more ‘low grade’ sense of being lost, worthless, anxious, or ‘down’.
FLASHBACKS AND FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT
Emotional flashbacks usually trigger the fight-flight-freeze-fawn stress response, causing a person to snap instantly into ‘danger’ mode, where their either experience hyper-arousal of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) - (fight of flight) or in more ‘overwhelming’ cases, move straight to the exaggerated parasympathetic response of FREEZE.
(Fawn fits somewhere between the two, with the ‘fawning’ of a flattery-prone personality attempting to forestall danger by appeasing it, in any way possible.)
See HERE for more about fight-or-flight, and to start figuring out which 'reaction' you tend to most have to stress.
FEAR FLASHBACKS CAN LEAVE YOU FEELING:
DESPAIR FLASHBACKS CAN LEAVE YOU FEELING:
• Don’t exist
TOXIC SHAME FLASHBACKS CAN LEAVE YOU FEELING:
• Can’t do anything right
‘ALONE’ FLASHBACKS CAN LEAVE YOU FEELING:
While there is often a ‘primary’ feeling underlying an emotional flashback, each flashback usually contains a mixture of shame, fear, depression and ‘aloneness’.
See HERE - for how to stop emotional flashbacks in their tracks.
A person who’s been traumatized enough to develop C-PTSD generally behaves and reacts in a very different way from a person who isn’t traumatized.
Again, if we take a look at our 4 main ‘stress’ responses (below), we’ll see that depending on which stress response the person with C-PTSD has got stuck in, they’ll either react to perceived danger, threats and ‘abandonment’ by others by:
The problem comes when we get STUCK polarized in one particular stress response, and when that stress response is repeatedly triggered by very bland, inane and minor things that truly don’t pose any real danger or threat to us.
So now we come to today’s topic: why traumatized people make mountains out of molehills.
Most people with C-PTSD get that way because they grew up with emotionally-absent parents (who may or may not also have regularly mistreated them in some additional, more tangible, way too.)
When a small child doesn’t have an adult in their life they can trust to ‘watch their back’, or help to soothe and calm them when they’re going through their tough times, or when they are left to fend for themselves and to solve their own problems, this creates a lot of anxiety, panic and fear in their internal landscape.
Imagine how scary even something simple like crossing a road is for a small child, if they’d be left to do it all by themselves without age-appropriate instructions, guidance or support. Small children are naturally full of fears, and it’s the job of the parents to help them to navigate through life, and to learn the skills and acquire the knowledge they need to manage new tasks and situations, and then to thrive.
Even from our own lives, we all know how much easier something is to learn when we have someone on hand to show us, and to answer our questions about what’s going ‘wrong’, or not working problem.
For example, a few years’ back, I tried to teach my self to sew some basic stuff on a borrowed sewing machine, using a ‘how to sew’ book for instructions. Dear reader, it was mostly an exercise in mental torture. I felt so anxious about not knowing how to thread the needle propet knowing how to get the zig-zag stitch to work, where to place the foot of the sewing machine, how to leave enough of a hem - and that’s even before getting down to actually making something! After a couple of months, I gave up.
A few weeks’ ago, I decided to try again but this time, I found a sewing teacher to go to - and it’s made all the difference in the world! Why? Because whenever I hit a snag with the cotton, or the material, or the sewing, I can ask for experienced, patient help to resolve it. I’m not on my own trying to figure everything out, so nothing feels like the unmitigated disaster it used to when I was trying to sew alone.
And the same applies to traumatized people with C-PTSD.
When we’re small, if we don’t have a caring adult to reassure us that the cut on our finger really isn’t serious, we panic that it’s going to go green and fall off.
If we go through a ‘down’ and we don’t have someone sharing their experiences of how this is just a normal, temporary (if unpleasant…) stage in life that everyone goes through, we start to believe that we’re always going to feel this depressed, or bad, or lonely.
If there is no-one there to give us the right perspective about our inevitable failures and mistakes in life, and worse, who even punish us, shame us, blame us and criticize us for making normal mistakes and having normal failures, we will be fear-stricken whenever trying something new, or something we could concievably ‘do wrong’.
(Of course, the trouble is this applies to pretty much everything!)
To put this into ‘real world’ terms, these feelings of panic, anxiety, overwhelm and depression can hit you as an adult whenever:
Once again, the world IS objectively a very scary place for a young child to have to fend for themselves in, so those feelings were 100% normal at that point in time.
But now, that fear, panic and anxiety has hardwired itself into your brain, and is being triggered by even the smallest issues you experience as an adult.
Depending on what your main ‘stress response’ is, you’ll find yourself fighting, running away, shutting down, or trying to frantically buy affection as a result.
THIS is why people with C-PTSD so often find themselves reacting to molehills as though they were mountains. They’ve ‘flashed back’ to a young, immature part of themselves who was never taught how to put things into proper perspective, or how to self-soothe in a healthy way and calm themselves down, and they are stuck reacting to the world in that mode even as a grown up.
So how can we overcome this particular aspect of C-PTSD? Stay tuned for the next post, when I’ll set out some practical ideas for you.
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