I think like many of us in 2016, I’ve struggled for years trying to figure out how to properly deal with many of the disturbed people out there. My struggles have ranged from dealing with flat-out bullies and plainly abusive individuals, to the more covertly messed-up personalities that can strangely do even more damage than the obvious nut-jobs, because you spend 15 years blaming yourself for their problems.
It’s your fault they’re not treating you nicely, that they don’t have any empathy for your problems, and that the relationship with them is so upsetting and draining and challenging.
Recently, God sent me an AMAZING dream which has helped me clean a lot of these loose ends up really nicely, which I’ve now turned into a visualization - but it’s probably the least PC thing I’ve ever written from a spiritual self-help perspective, so before I share it with you, I wanted to tell you about a point of Jewish law that was decided by Rabbi Akiva.
The scenario was this: You and your friend are wandering around the desert, and you have a flask of water that is just enough to help you to complete the journey, while your friend has run out of water.
If you share your water with your friend, that will mean that you’ll both die before you complete your journey. So what should you do, share or not share?
There was a whole big discussion in the Gemara amongst the Jewish sages of 2,000 years ago, but then Rabbi Akiva came along and said the following: Your life comes first.
If sharing your water with your friend means that you’ll die as a result, you’re not allowed to share it. YOUR LIFE COMES FIRST.
People with narcissistic-type traits (which covers A LOT of people in 2016…) are sometimes compared to a balloon that constantly needs to suck energy, time and attention out of other people to stay pumped up. This is the infamous ‘narcissistic supply’, which sees these disturbed people making your life into a big drama, throwing tizzy fits all of the place, pulling guilt trips and other manipulative moves on you, and generally trying to make their problems your problems.
They act like this, and suck you into the crazy vortex that is their life, because they are running out of juice and energy big time. They lack the self-love, self-soothing and self-control to handle their own inner chaos, so they try to make their problem your problem, as much as possible. If you can handle that without it having an adverse effect on you - then by all means carry on sharing. If you can’t, and they are literally draining the life, joy and energy out of you each time you think about them, or speak to them, or have to deal with them, then remember that your life comes first.
And this isn’t just a nice idea, it’s a principle of Jewish law.
So with that intro out the way, welcome to the most un-PC visualization I’ll probably ever put together. This is excellent for all those people who you can’t get closure with in real life, as they’re too crazy to accept or admit they’re doing anything wrong or they need to change, regardless of how much they hurt you.
THE MOST UN-PC VISUALISATION EVER:
Close your eyes, and breathe deeply three times.
Imagine that you’re in a light, airy comfortable room somewhere, with large, open windows and a lot of sunlight streaming in. Imagine, you see the person who has caused you a lot of heartache and pain walking past.
Open the window and call out in your loudest voice:
“You are a piece of ****!!!!”
Keep yelling this out as many times as you need to, until you start smiling again.
It’s SO simple, but SO effective. I was in such a good mood after I did this.
One more thing to note: Whether or not the person you’re yelling at really is a ‘piece of ****’ is a completely moot point. The idea is to let go of the negative emotion, and the sense of helplessness you’ve accumulated as quickly and easily as possible.
Once you do this visualization, you’ll actually feel far less antagonistic towards the problematic person in real life, and probably even more forgiving. Why? Because now you’ve clearly stated who the problem is in the relationship (at least, to yourself), and permitted yourself to acknowledge that (at least to yourself), you’ll feel far less threatened by that person now, and you’ll be able to move on and put it all behind you much easier.