The Seven Types of Negative People, and how they can seriously affect your health
The bad influences we're exposed to socially can damage our health as much, or even more, than the worse chemical pollutants or environmental hazards. Over the many years that I've been working with people to help them optimize their spiritual health, I've been able to identify seven main categories of negative people, who can instantly pull the rug out from under even the most emotionally-healthy person.
If you have only casual or infrequent interactions with these people, the damage they can do is pretty small. But if you're spending a lot of time with them, or if they're people who you're emotionally very connected to, their behaviour and negative attitudes can take an enormous toll on your health.
1. The liar
How they affect your health
Close your eyes, for a minute, and imagine that you've just caught your best friend / sibling / spouse / colleague lying to you about something emotionally-significant. Maybe, they 'borrowed' $50,000 out of your bank account without telling you… maybe, they just stabbed you in the back and stole your idea for the 'deal of the century' right out from under your nose… maybe, they just invited the whole neighbourhood to their house for a big BBQ on the same day they knew you were planning to do it…
Now, what do you feel? Don't be shy! I won't tell anyone, I promise. This is just between the two of us.
What most of us would feel at this point is probably extremely anger and rage, mixed up with some jealousy, hatred, resentment, betrayal, disbelief, vengeance and enormous dislike.
Do you know what a motherlode of pressure and physical stress all these things put on your body? The racing heart, the hammering pulse, the tension headache, the neck pain, the tight chest, the back pain, the blurry eyesight, the raised blood pressure…
2. The competitor
How they can affect your health:
Get ready…set…go!
How are you feeling as you power out of the blocks? Pumped up with adrenaline? Completely focussed on getting ahead? No patience or time for any distractions (like your kids, for example…)?
There's a race to be won, and you're not going to let anything get in your way.
How'd you feel if you made all that effort, and you still lost? How'd you feel if you lose every single time? Pretty bad, huh.
Hanging out with competitors can feel great when you're on the winning team. But when you're the one who feels like you're losing, you can get depressed and miserable very fast.
When you get caught up in competing, you get so focused on the outcome you rarely have any time or patience for the process. Trouble is, the 'process' can include a whole bunch of life-affirming, health-supporting things like playing with your kids, taking the time to nurture yourself, and talking to God.
3: The classic gossiper
How they can affect your health:
We can sum it up like this: when you spend too much time with gossipers, it blows a huge hole in your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your integrity (did you really want the whole neighbourhood to know that you just got unceremoniously dumped? Or fired?)
Healthy relationships and poisonous gossip very rarely go together. Healthy relationships are based on mutual independence and respect; seeing the good in others; and encouraging your friend (or whoever) to believe in themselves, and to develop their God-given talents and abilities to the max. Unhealthy relationships do exactly the opposite.
4: The blamer
How they can affect your health:
When people are walking around blaming and shaming all the time, there is NO healthy compassion going on.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they were only blaming themselves, and leaving you alone. But blamers just aren't like that: they want to make sure that you also know that you're defective, and simply not good enough.
When you keep getting blamed for a whole bunch of things that are actually not your responsibility (check back with the chapter on Healthy Accountability to remind yourself what they may be) - you can really start to believe that you really are the problem.
If that continues happening, it's only natural that you start to dislike yourself for being so troublesome and problematic. I mean, if you weren't so darned stoopid / incompetent / selfish / or thoughtless, everything would be just dandy!
5. The mediator
How they can affect your health:
I know what you're thinking: how can mediating between two warring parties be anything but good, and kind, and healthy?
The truth is, sometimes it is. But that's not the sort of mediation I'm talking about, here. I'm talking about the people who somehow manage to get in the middle of your big crisis, or big dispute, or big problem, uninvited, and then start turning it into a big theatrical 'Peace Now' event.
Instead of being about what you think, and about what you feel, your life starts to be run by 'audience poll', and that's really not good for your self-esteem or your clarity. That's because when there's so much politically-correct 'peace and love' sloshing around, it can get really difficult to speak or act authentically, or to really be 'you'. You have to say what sounds good. You have to think acceptable thoughts.
Trouble is, repressed thoughts and feelings don't just disappear: they fester. The more we try to squash them down, instead of acknowledging them and dealing with them in a spiritually-healthy way, the greater the chances that they'll show up as an energy block, emotional issue or even a physical problem, a little further on.
I know keeping the peace sounds very noble, but if you're not genuinely 'there' yet, it can be really, really bad for your health.
6: The worrier
How they can affect your health:
Before you spent five minutes in the company of the worrier, you were feeling pretty upbeat, optimistic and happy about life. Now, you seem to have 'caught' their negative outlook, and you're starting to feel pretty stressed and worried.
On and on it goes. Instead of smiling and enjoying the roses, now you're consumed with anxiety and stress. Ten seconds later, your neck starts hurting, you get a migraine spike, your back starts twingeing, or you start to feel really weak on one side of your body…
7. The mocker
How they can affect our health:
When you're sincerely trying to be a better person, or to get closer to God, or to improve your health and outlook, few things can torpedo your ability to aspire, improve and to change faster or more effectively than being mocked.
It only takes one particularly sharp comment, or one run-in with a cruel, shameless
'smart mouth' to wipe out a whole bunch of your healthy energy, and leave you feeling half-dead. That's why the best advice for mockers is to stay as far away from them as you can. Period.
If you have only casual or infrequent interactions with these people, the damage they can do is pretty small. But if you're spending a lot of time with them, or if they're people who you're emotionally very connected to, their behaviour and negative attitudes can take an enormous toll on your health.
1. The liar
How they affect your health
Close your eyes, for a minute, and imagine that you've just caught your best friend / sibling / spouse / colleague lying to you about something emotionally-significant. Maybe, they 'borrowed' $50,000 out of your bank account without telling you… maybe, they just stabbed you in the back and stole your idea for the 'deal of the century' right out from under your nose… maybe, they just invited the whole neighbourhood to their house for a big BBQ on the same day they knew you were planning to do it…
Now, what do you feel? Don't be shy! I won't tell anyone, I promise. This is just between the two of us.
What most of us would feel at this point is probably extremely anger and rage, mixed up with some jealousy, hatred, resentment, betrayal, disbelief, vengeance and enormous dislike.
Do you know what a motherlode of pressure and physical stress all these things put on your body? The racing heart, the hammering pulse, the tension headache, the neck pain, the tight chest, the back pain, the blurry eyesight, the raised blood pressure…
2. The competitor
How they can affect your health:
Get ready…set…go!
How are you feeling as you power out of the blocks? Pumped up with adrenaline? Completely focussed on getting ahead? No patience or time for any distractions (like your kids, for example…)?
There's a race to be won, and you're not going to let anything get in your way.
How'd you feel if you made all that effort, and you still lost? How'd you feel if you lose every single time? Pretty bad, huh.
Hanging out with competitors can feel great when you're on the winning team. But when you're the one who feels like you're losing, you can get depressed and miserable very fast.
When you get caught up in competing, you get so focused on the outcome you rarely have any time or patience for the process. Trouble is, the 'process' can include a whole bunch of life-affirming, health-supporting things like playing with your kids, taking the time to nurture yourself, and talking to God.
3: The classic gossiper
How they can affect your health:
We can sum it up like this: when you spend too much time with gossipers, it blows a huge hole in your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your integrity (did you really want the whole neighbourhood to know that you just got unceremoniously dumped? Or fired?)
Healthy relationships and poisonous gossip very rarely go together. Healthy relationships are based on mutual independence and respect; seeing the good in others; and encouraging your friend (or whoever) to believe in themselves, and to develop their God-given talents and abilities to the max. Unhealthy relationships do exactly the opposite.
4: The blamer
How they can affect your health:
When people are walking around blaming and shaming all the time, there is NO healthy compassion going on.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they were only blaming themselves, and leaving you alone. But blamers just aren't like that: they want to make sure that you also know that you're defective, and simply not good enough.
When you keep getting blamed for a whole bunch of things that are actually not your responsibility (check back with the chapter on Healthy Accountability to remind yourself what they may be) - you can really start to believe that you really are the problem.
If that continues happening, it's only natural that you start to dislike yourself for being so troublesome and problematic. I mean, if you weren't so darned stoopid / incompetent / selfish / or thoughtless, everything would be just dandy!
5. The mediator
How they can affect your health:
I know what you're thinking: how can mediating between two warring parties be anything but good, and kind, and healthy?
The truth is, sometimes it is. But that's not the sort of mediation I'm talking about, here. I'm talking about the people who somehow manage to get in the middle of your big crisis, or big dispute, or big problem, uninvited, and then start turning it into a big theatrical 'Peace Now' event.
Instead of being about what you think, and about what you feel, your life starts to be run by 'audience poll', and that's really not good for your self-esteem or your clarity. That's because when there's so much politically-correct 'peace and love' sloshing around, it can get really difficult to speak or act authentically, or to really be 'you'. You have to say what sounds good. You have to think acceptable thoughts.
Trouble is, repressed thoughts and feelings don't just disappear: they fester. The more we try to squash them down, instead of acknowledging them and dealing with them in a spiritually-healthy way, the greater the chances that they'll show up as an energy block, emotional issue or even a physical problem, a little further on.
I know keeping the peace sounds very noble, but if you're not genuinely 'there' yet, it can be really, really bad for your health.
6: The worrier
How they can affect your health:
Before you spent five minutes in the company of the worrier, you were feeling pretty upbeat, optimistic and happy about life. Now, you seem to have 'caught' their negative outlook, and you're starting to feel pretty stressed and worried.
- Maybe, that bad cough your kid has is Ebola, and you were really dumb not to go and get it checked out ASAP?
- Maybe, that unopened letter from the bank is not just a routine statement, but is telling you they're foreclosing on your house?
- Maybe, North Korea is going to try to set off a dirty-bomb in your neighbourhood?
- Maybe, the stock market really is going to crash through the floor today, and wipe out all your retirement fund?
On and on it goes. Instead of smiling and enjoying the roses, now you're consumed with anxiety and stress. Ten seconds later, your neck starts hurting, you get a migraine spike, your back starts twingeing, or you start to feel really weak on one side of your body…
7. The mocker
How they can affect our health:
When you're sincerely trying to be a better person, or to get closer to God, or to improve your health and outlook, few things can torpedo your ability to aspire, improve and to change faster or more effectively than being mocked.
It only takes one particularly sharp comment, or one run-in with a cruel, shameless
'smart mouth' to wipe out a whole bunch of your healthy energy, and leave you feeling half-dead. That's why the best advice for mockers is to stay as far away from them as you can. Period.
