Before we get into your actual question, a little bit of background is required:
The three foundations of good emotional health are:
- Healthy Compassion
- Sensible Accountability
- Appropriate Kindness
Healthy compassion means that you are able to see the other person’s side of things and able to empathize with their pain, without getting stepped on or taken advantage of.
The effects of emotional pain, like shame, fear and guilt, are usually much greater, and much longer-lasting than the effects of physical pain.
Verbal cruelty, blaming, criticism, emotional neglect and psychological abuse is the opposite of healthy compassion.
Now, the main ‘emotional ingredients’ that’s missing with personality disorders like narcissism and anti-social behavior is empathy and compassion for other people. When someone has NDP traits, they tend to act in a very selfish, self-absorbed way that completely negates the other people in their lives.
They expect unlimited empathy and compassion from others, but don’t reciprocate. (As is probably obvious, accountability and kindness is also usually really out of kilter when you’re dealing with people with personality disordered-traits, too.)
If you get caught in the bind of trying to keep the NDP person happen, and the relationship ‘problem-free’ by giving, and giving and giving, the following problems can occur:
HOW UNHEALTHY COMPASSION CAN AFFECT YOUR HEALTH
Unhealthy compassion can affect your emotional and mental health in the following ways:
SPIRITUALLY: It can disconnect you from God, your inner dimension, or soul, and the ‘real you’.
- When you spend a lot of time around people with limited compassion and empathy, it can make you feel:
- uncared for
- disrespected, and even
In turn, this can cause you to react with a strong (but often repressed…) negative emotion like:
- Jealousy (of other people who appear to be getting more compassion and caring)
When someone is experiencing chronic stress due to their circumstances and relationship, that’s been proven to have a number of distinct, and profound effects on their physical health.
As a general rule of thumb, compassionate responses make people feel loved, cared for and great; cruel responses make people feel defensive, lonely, anxious and angry.
So to sum up:
When you’re regularly dealing with people who treat you cruelly, verbally abuse you and criticize you, scare you to death with their rage fits and guilt you to death with their manipulative behavior, you’re going to end up with a lot of anxiety, guilt, anger and fear (most of which is usually repressed for fear of reprisals, especially when the person with severe narcissistic traits happens to be a parent).
But repressed emotions don’t just disappear – they go underground and start disrupting your body’s physical energy systems in a number of different ways.
The good news is that once you really understand how being around people who excel in cruel, critical and emotionally-abusive or neglectful behavior can seriously affect your physical health, there’s a lot of things you can do to turn things around.
You can put better boundaries in place, work on getting your own sense of (exaggerated…) compassion more balanced, and work with your meridian energies using simple but powerful techniques like energy psychology to get things back into a better state again.
The Talk to God and Fix Your Health book spells out how to do a lot of these things in detail.